It’s a typical Friday night in the Mitch household. Mrs. Mitch is working late, Little Mitch is in bed and I’m taking it easy, trying to come up with a semi-coherent blogisode. I’m finding the most challenging part of writing regularly is trying to come up with a new idea every week. People often ask me where my blogisode ideas come from. That’s a total fabrication. Nobody asks or has ever asked me that. I just see actors using that phrase in magazine interviews and wanted to invoke a grandiose sense of self importance in myself and say “people often ask me.”
Some weeks I have a brilliant idea strike me out of the blue and the words come easy. Some weeks I sit down with an idea to write about and end up writing about something else altogether. I often find that the most challenging weeks to write are the weeks where I fall into the work, home, dinner, spend time with Little Mitch, put Little Mitch to bed, watch TV, go to bed, and repeat Monday to Friday rut. That saps any creativity I may have. You can’t write about life when you don’t have one.
Then there are weeks like this where all I can come up with is erratic idea snippets; which usually means I haven’t been getting enough sleep and my Bipolar Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is flaring up again…flaring up again…flaring up again…wait, that’s an uneven number…flaring up again…that’s better.
Then it hit me like a Little Mitch flying headbutt to the groin what this week’s blogisode should be about. Seriously, that happens more than you would believe. All 29.5 lbs of Little Mitch flying off the couch headfirst to plant his prodigious cranium in my groin as I watch cartoons with him. I probably didn’t need that vasectomy because after that headbutt he wasn’t getting a little brother anyways. I was going to wait for my 25th blogisode to have my blogisode anniversary spectacular, but everyone does that.
Let’s be unorthodox! Ladies and ladies and ladies (don’t want a sausage festival) and gentlemen! Welcome to the Mitch Being Honest 22nd Blogisode Spectacular! No cover charge, three drink minimum, and panties optional if you’re hot! I’m feeling lazy and with my erratic OCD thought patterns right now, writing graceful transitions feels like a colossal pain. Therefore, I’m pulling a writers cop out; a list.
Things I’ve learned from the Mitch Being Honest blog so far.
1. Gaining readers takes time, but it will happen. When I first started, I had one dedicated reader, my nephew Brandon. There, now quit hassling me, I gave you a mention. Actually, he was my first reader and first fan and as a thank you he is the proud owner of an ultra rare, only two in existence Semi-Official Mitch Being Honest T-Shirt. From there, I gained readers slowly but steadily. I even managed to fulfill a life dream and picked up some freelance writing work (Thanks Cuz!) because of Mitch Being Honest. Check out her TV show CAUTION: May Contain Nuts, if you like Mitch’s humour you’ll like this show.
I’m really not sure how many readers I do have. Would it kill you guys to send me an email “hello” once in a while? There’s probably some software I could get that could tell me this but I don’t have the time or the patience to do that because the point of the blog is to keep myself dedicated to writing not become a low level programmer. In the future, I’m thinking of doing an entire blogisode where the weeks topics are derived completely from fan submitted suggestions.
2. The “No Swearing Rule.” When I first started the blog I had one rule which was unspoken until now. No swearing. With the obvious exception of the words “A-hole” and “Douchebag” which I have used repeatedly in the past. I mean no swearing using the big ones, the “F” word and the “S” word or any other swear. Why you ask? Mainly I just felt that dropping swears when you write is lazy writing and makes for lazy humour. It’s an easy trap to fall into but a hard one to get out of you full of s**t rat f**king bastard. See? Lazy, and not all that funny.
3. The Mitch Persona. I definitely have to say one of the most enjoyable aspects about the blog is using the Mitch persona to express myself and the going ons in my life. It allows me to distance myself somewhat from myself and be totally honest, which is the basic philosophy of the blog. The weird thing is I really don’t see any real difference to being myself or being Mitch, it’s one and the same guy. It’s kind of like the third Flash. I’ll warn you it’s going to get really geeky in here for a minute so you may want to exit the room for a few minutes, unless you’re a hot chick who’s totally into dorky slightly overweight comic book geeks in their mid thirties, you’re more than welcome to stay; where’d everybody go? The third Flash superhero was Wally West. At some point in his crime fighting career his secret identity was revealed to the general public. So Wally West is the Flash and the Flash is Wally West. That’s how I look at the Mitch persona and myself. I’m Mitch and Mitch is me. That will be the title of my first book, and will feature a soft focus picture of me in front of a lake wearing an Abercrombie & Fitch sweater at sunset looking pensive, self reflective, and as new agey as possible. In reality, I want the title of my first book to be “Really? I’m the one in this family who needs to be on medication? Really? Really?” and my book will have a Playboy style nude centrefold of a naked lady with immense breasts. That way if you don’t like the book at least you can look at a naked lady and who doesn’t love that?
No need to thank me, I’m an idea man it’s what I do.