State Of Mitch (Originally Published December 27, 2010)

Finally! It took me three weeks but I have finally sat down at the laptop to fire off a blogisode. Why the delay? Four weeks. Four weeks of being sick. Week one consisted of a migraine then a sniffle, week two was a sniffle followed by a cold, week three was a sinus infection, and finally week four was a chest infection. Best part is after four weeks I was healthy a total of four days before I came down with another sinus infection, so I’m off to see some walk-in clinic hack doctor in the AM for some antibiotics. Based on the trend of “four” that seems to be occurring with my health, Im predicting a four hour wait to spend four minutes with a fresh out of med school doctor who can barely speak English to give me a prescription.  

Enough grousing about my health, let’s get to it shall we? The nog is run out, your pants are a wee bit tighter, the thought of more rich turkey and stuffing has your colon cringing in fear and the reality of the upcoming January VISA bill is sinking in. It’s time to admit it, Christmas is over. Like that it’s all over. The build up can never live up to the hype and the letdown is kind of well, a letdown. I call this Mitch’s “Wrestlemania” theory. One single day cannot possibly live up to the hype, the build up, the tension, the emotional highs and lows and the inevitable feeling of being underwhelmed when the big day finally happens. Christmas is like an orgasm in reverse. 

Fear not faithful readers we do have one final day to celebrate this holiday season, New Years. Mrs. Mitch and I have never been big on New Years celebrations. Most years we just end up staying home, alone or with my parents, having a nice dinner, and celebrating the eastern feed of watching the ball drop at 10 PM and in bed at a reasonable 11 PM. Last year was particularly unremarkable. Me, Little Mitch and Mrs. Mitch stayed home and watched “Titanic.” Mrs. Mitch was snoring on the couch before the ship left port let alone hit the damn iceberg, and Little Mitch and I stayed under a blanket until 3 AM finishing the film. Here, I’ll save you three plus hours, the boat sinks, they all die at the end and Kate Winslet officially makes it onto a permanent roster spot of my “freebie” list  of celebrities I get to have sex with, with zero marital repercussions. Don’t look at me that way, Mrs. Mitch has her own list and I’m cool with her thing for Ryan Reynolds. 

With New Years comes the inevitable reflection upon the past year. Let’s not. I’m tired of this year. It wasn’t a bad year by any means but why analyze and dissect what can’t be changed? And unless I get a Delorean and a Flux Capacitor there’s no point. I’ve come to a precarious point in my life. Currently at this point in my life I have absolutely no goals or aspirations. I don’t mean this in a negative, I’ve given up on life in a sweatpants and wearing shoes without socks kind of way. I mean it in a transitional still getting my poop together sort of way. I honestly have no clue what, if anything, I want from the future.

Is that strange? I don’t know how I feel about this. On one hand I feel that I got thirty two years until retirement, and I’m going to need to kill some time between now and then. On the other hand I feel a sense of contentment knowing that I really have no inner drive for “more.” If I had to sum up my current life state I would say, “I’m good”, not much more to say than that. In fact, let’s call this constant serene “I’m good” state with one’s life a “State of Mitch.”  Is this what those monks dedicate their entire lives to? That wasn’t so hard. Maybe those bald sheet wearers should spend a little less time meditating and more time getting to a Mitch like state of “I’m good.” I’m liking where this is headed. It’s been a while since we expanded on the “Tao of Mitch”, let’s add “State of Mitch” to the Tao. Can’t wait until I’m on the cover of Oprah magazine with my revolutionary life philosophy. 

Along with the reflection of the past year there’s the New Year’s resolutions. Every year I come up with a resolution to handle my finances better, handle my temper better with other people and try to be more understanding of peoples emotions. Well the finances are a constant work in progress, and that resolution will have to continue on for another year. The temper resolution was actually going quite well for the year, until last week. First, lady there’s only one person ahead of us in line do you need to stand so close I can smell the chow-mein you had for lunch? I told you to back up because you were making me uncomfortable and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Second, was the condescending smug psychologist who kept twisting my words around to satisfy her man hating agenda. Yelling “you can go (expletive) yourself lady!” so that the entire office heard as I stormed out was easily one of the most gratifying and satisfying moments of 2010, I salute you. Your “Mitchie” award is in the mail. 

Which leaves us with the emotions resolution. Other people emotions continue to perplex me and make me extremely uncomfortable. So unless all you Feely McGee’s out there learn to keep your feelings to yourself, I guess that resolution will continue to be a work in progress as well, and no I don’t want to talk about it. 

No need to thank me, I’m an idea man, it’s what I do. Happy New Year!

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2 thoughts on “State Of Mitch (Originally Published December 27, 2010)

  1. decimawho says:

    I felt like this about life, it was called denial and was right before the divorce. 😀 Happy new year for a few years back!

    • You’re not far off. This was the beginning of my marriage starting to circle the drain. If you read between the lines of a lot of the upcoming classic blogisodes you’ll notice a hidden subtext AKA “my marriage shitting the bed.”

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