Greetings faithful readers! Normally I don’t post new blogisodes back to back like this, mainly due to my writing process, but I need to get something off my chest. As I mentioned in my last blogisode I’m giving the dating world another try. There is something that is irking me and being the socially conscious sort of fellow I am (not true at all, I am the farthest thing from socially conscious, but bear with me) I have a bit of advice for the ladies I encounter in the dating world.
So ladies, you’ve gone online, found a dating website, created a profile, listed your likes/dislikes/needs/wants and your interests like long walks on the beach, margaritas at moonlight, and camping. Why does every woman list “camping” as an interest? I asked my friend Allison this. Her take on it was, “Honestly. I’d say maybe 50% -60% of women actually like camping, the rest are just listing they like camping because they think it makes them come off as easy going and not prissy, based on their assumption that all dudes like camping.” I responded with “My ex-girlfriend suggested camping once. I responded with ‘Why? Wait…are you mad at me and punishing me with camping in the dirty germ infested outdoors?’”
You’ve got your online dating profile drafted up. You’ve chosen five to ten pictures of yourself to post with your profile. The usual picture trope cliches are the four to five days of the year you look your most amazing: one of you travelling looking amazing, the one of you as a bridesmaid 4 years ago looking amazing, the one of you at your Christmas party looking amazing, the one of you with your girlfriends at a club looking amazing. Notice a trend? This is probably why when I actually meet my online prospect for a first date I get the feeling that I was sold a Lexus but a Toyota Corolla showed up.
You’re ready to take the plunge and dive into the world of online dating….
Are you ready? You forgot to ask yourself one important question. You forgot to ask yourself, “Do I have actual time to date?”
I’ve encountered this issue on numerous occasions. I meet a lovely lady, go on a few dates, we’d like to see each other more…then her schedule monster rears its head. Fast forward two weeks later, we haven’t seen each other at all, our faint whiff of a growing “relationship” consists of texting, mainly her more than me, I lose interest very quickly in a lady when we’re texting only, with the faint wisp of a future promise that we’ll get together just as soon as her yoga class/work project/book club/kid’s pyromania/parents visiting from out of town/her school, etcetera settles down. We’ll get together soon she says “I…promise” Mitch’s advice? Anyone who has to say “I…promise” isn’t truly authentic, just assume they won’t deliver on that empty promise. Truly authentic people deliver, they don’t have to promise.
Congratulations fellas, if you found yourself in a situation like this you just collected yourself a time vampire. They will suck up bits of your time with the faint future hint that you “may” get together someday that never truly materializes. Before we get further into this premise, let me just say that I do realize that she may not be that into me. Fine, but for the sake of this rant let’s assume she is into me and scheduling is an issue.
You have to ask yourself “Do I have some space in my life to try on new people to see how they fit in my life?” If you’re working full time, going to school part time, have limited child care options and you just signed up for a belly dancing class twice a week, maybe fitting dating into your life isn’t in the cards for you right now? Something to consider.
Ladies, I do realize that you are entitled like the rest of us to find love and cultivate relationships. All I’m saying is make sure that you have time in your life schedule to fit it in. Dating takes time, it takes time to create relationships and to get to know someone. You need some availability, I’m not saying that if I ask you out Thursday I expect you to go out Friday. I understand we all have lives, jobs, hobbies etc. However when I ask you out it shouldn’t be as difficult as trying to do my taxes with pen, paper and an abacus to schedule a dinner date with you. Nor do I want to go out with you four weeks later when your schedule finally opens up for date number two, because by that point I’ve forgotten 90% of what you told me about yourself on date one. And…NO. Texting does not count as dating. I want a girlfriend eventually, not a digital pen pal.
I will concede that sometime people are busy, it happens. My point however is that if you are going to navigate the dating waters you need to make the time to do it. I’m a single father, with 70% custody, I work a full time job, a part time job and I have my own hobbies and interests. Yet I am never so busy that if I like someone, truly like them, I can’t make time for them in my life. It’s that simple for me. If I like you I will want to spend time with you, and make space in my life schedule to do so. It’s that simple for me and it should be that simple.
For me when I am “seeing someone” I like to ACTUALLY physically “see them,” but that’s just me. I’m kind of picky that way.