Monthly Archives: April 2013

Mitch’s Texts Devoid of Context Vol. 5

“Nothing worse than lame sex. You end up thinking ‘I could have stayed clean and had a PBJ sandwich instead and been 100x more ¬†satisfied.'”

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Life Lessons With Mitch Lesson 249

Gramma Mitch: “Dear, are we bringing dinner tonight when we come over?”

Mitch: “Mother, I think it’s cute that after all these years you still ask that question when we already know the answer.”

Gramma Mitch: “It’s Pops (Stepdad), he makes me call and ask. Maybe one day we’re hoping that you’ll actually offer to cook for us.”

Mitch: “I like how we both keep up the charade of this dance, Mother.”

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Mitch’s Texts Devoid of Context Vol. 4

“You’re having feelings vagina?”

Mood swings, depression and rules greatsanddunes

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Life Lessons With Mitch Lesson 248

The grocery store cashier asked me “How would you like to pay?”

I replied, “Through the majesty of dance!”

In return,  the cashier gave me an apathetic blank stare. I thought it was funny you ironic soulless hipster register jockey.

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Mitch’s Texts Devoid of Context Vol. 3

“That’s why I plan ahead and put my masturbation in my calendar on my phone. That way I feel like I’ve accomplished something productive.”

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