Tag Archives: family

Life Lessons With Mitch Lesson 250

On a recent road trip, Little Mitch and I were passing the time playing Pictionary on his Nintendo 3DS. My first guess was soooooooo not even remotely close to “light post.”

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(Sorry for the lack of updates gang, I been getting my ass kicked by  my annual spring allergies and I’ve been licnesed to ill for a solid two weeks)

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Life Lessons With Mitch Lesson 249

Gramma Mitch: “Dear, are we bringing dinner tonight when we come over?”

Mitch: “Mother, I think it’s cute that after all these years you still ask that question when we already know the answer.”

Gramma Mitch: “It’s Pops (Stepdad), he makes me call and ask. Maybe one day we’re hoping that you’ll actually offer to cook for us.”

Mitch: “I like how we both keep up the charade of this dance, Mother.”

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Life Lessons With Mitch Lesson 246

One of the great things about single fatherhood is that you never really have to fully grow up. I refuse to become one of those middle of the road bland parents who think their personality had to end the day their kid was born.

A great afternoon Little Mitch recovering from the flu, spent playing video game women’s wrestling for the championship we made… and the gag NEVER got old.

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Life Lessons With Mitch Lesson 240

There comes a time during parenthood when you can no longer keep up the lie to your kid that the much cheaper no name brand cereal is the name brand cereal.

Little Mitch (6 years old): “Wait. (looking at cereal in bowl). Dad? Is this my my regular Lucky Charms? They look different. Where are the moons? There’s no rainbows in here. What did you buy?”

Mitch: “I bought Lucky Charms dude. Don’t worry about it. Eat. ”

Little Mitch: (Running to the kitchen cupboard) “Wait. What’s THIS? This isn’t my regular Lucky Charms Dad. Who’s this dude on the front? Where’s the leprechaun guy? This is a wizard.”

Little Mitch (Sounding out the box) Mar…marsh…marshhhhhh…mall….Marhmallow…mag…ick….Marshmallow magic??? Why didn’t you buy me my Lucky Charms Dad? You know they are my favourite.”

Mitch: “Ok fine they are not Lucky Charms. What’s the rule when Daddy buys cereal? Only the stuff that is on sale right?”

Little Mitch: ” I know Daddy. But I need my Lucky Charms. They are my favourite and magically delicious.”

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I’d Like To Thank The Academy…

I’ve been called a lot of things in my day, “asshole” being usually the most prominent, often employed as a verb, noun, pronoun, adjective, adverb, interjection, conjunction and prepositions and sometimes combinations of the preceding. “You assholing asshole of an asshole’s asshole you’re an asshole!”

This however, is a first. I’ve never been called “inspiring” before. I have to say I was a bit taken aback to be nominated for “The Very Inspiring Blogger Award” by How To Date In Las Vegas. Love your city by the way, been there five times.  My failed marriage started there or more accurately the downpayment on my impending divorce nine years later started at the wedding chapel in Bally’s. Anyways, enough of my masturbatory faux “aww shucks” bashfulness, let’s get to the requirements to accept my accolades.

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The rules of the award:

  1. Display the award logo on your blog.

  2. Link back to the person who nominated you.

  3. State 7 things about yourself.

  4. Nominate 15 bloggers for this award.

  5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination by linking to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by ping back.

7 Things About Mitch That Will Both Amuse and Terrify You.

-Due to a family New Year’s Eve prank during childhood that went terribly awry I have an irrational fear of lobsters.

-One of my obsessive compulsive quirks is that I cannot sit at circular tables. My OCD brain likes right angles. You can imagine the quandary sitting at a circular table would cause to my meal.

-I consider myself a cereal aficionado.

-I have a Spongebob wallet that I use as a dating litmus test. I wouldn’t want to date a woman who has an issue with me having a Spongebob wallet. It separates the wheat from the chaff so to speak.

-Mitch really likes referring to himself in the third person.

-I once had to have a “feelings meeting” at work, to make me more aware of other peoples emotions and to be more empathetic to their feelings. Seven years later still struggling with this one.

-I live my life by an arbitrary flexible hero code of rules, but make sure to have enough if, ands, or buts and loopholes to get out of said rule if it benefits me.

The Nominations

Ok next step is to nominate 15 bloggers for this award. 15? Holy shit! 15? Really? How am I supposed to find time to read 15 other blogs if I got my own blog to write? Can I just nominate 5 bloggers but make their nominations worth triple points? Like sex and drum solos, I believe in quality over quantity. I’m going to bend the rules a wee bit. I’m only nominating 5 Blogs but giving 3 three reasons why I like each blog, that’ll count for 15.

Decimawho– Reason 1. Mojave desert dry British wit. Reason 2. I envy her prolific writing output while still maintaing her poetic prose. Reason 3. I have learned so much about Lyme disease from her blog a topic I never would have learned about on my own.

Another Single Woman’s Blog. Reason 1. It’s nice to read about someone who’s out there in the dating trenches like me. 2. It’s nice to get a female perspective about life out there in the dating trenches. Reason 3. You know when they say that people who have gone through and survived traumatic events like plane crashes or natural disasters now share a bond? I feel the same way after reading about her dating mishaps and comparing them to my own.

Today I Watched A Movie. Reason 1. Clear, succinct, organized, well written movie reviews. Reason 2. Clear, succinct, organized, well written movie reviews. Reason 3. Clear, succinct, organized, well written movie reviews.

The Jiggly Bits. Reason 1. How can you not love the title of this blog? 2. Any blog that has a post called “The only Penis That Turns Me On” is totally worthy of my attention. 3. See reasons 1 and 2. 

Wonderbread is Dead. Reason 1. Nepotism. He’s my Nephew. 2. His love of wrasslin’ is equal to my own. 3. I’m super psyched that he’s going to school for film like his uncle did. 

Once again, it’s an honour just to be nominated. “Yo Adrian, I did it!” (cue man-tears)

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Venti Suck Latte (Originally Published July 26, 2011)

DISCLAIMER: I’ve been debating for a few weeks now if I was going to repost these “Mitch Classic” blogisodes from when my marriage ended. I went back and forth between “I don’t want to repost them and relive that experience” to “I should post them to show how far I’ve come since then.” I concluded that Mitch Being Honest is about being honest, and being true to myself and to not post them would be contradictory to my blog premise.

The last couple hours of the day before sleep are the worst. That time between putting Little Mitch down for the laundrynight and my own bedtime. The only time of the day when I am truly alone. I distract myself. I fold laundry, I love to smell the scent of my son on his clean T-shirts. I watch DVD’s of movies I’ve seen too many times. I read magazines about sports I don’t care about. I listen to Springsteen, no sad songs don’t need that association. I watch music videos on youtube, always the same songs never new ones. I text with friends, keeps my focus busy. I load the dishwasher, when it doesn’t really need to be loaded. I go over my budget, even though I already know its balanced. Anything to keep busy and keep that admission I don’t want to acknowledge at bay. 

It’s been four weeks since the split. I don’t want to admit it to myself but I know it’s there. I miss intimacy. 

I don’t mean sex. I mean intimacy. I miss being touched by a woman. Just to hug, to hold hands, someone to lean into me sitting on the couch, to have someone to hold onto in bed on Sunday morning.

You know what part I miss the most? Now that it’s just me and Little Mitch at our place it smells like a man house.  I’ve always loved the fragrance of a woman and now it’s not there. The scent of a woman can literally make my skin tingle, now I don’t know if and when I will ever get that feeling again. The perfumed floral fragrance of femininity. 

Right now, if someone offered me a choice between a physically satisfying purely sexual one night stand or an emotionally fulfilling intimate cuddle in bed, I have to be honest, I may choose the latter. 

I read a book that says the first 100 days since the split are the worst. I sure hope so because I am ticking off the100 days to get to that number. Not that I expect to get to day 100 and some magical switch will click and everything will be okay. I’m not delusional, I know this stage of my life. learning to be single, is a journey. But I keep telling myself if I can get to 100 days… I don’t know what will happen at day 100 I think Im just using that arbitrary number as a goal to keep my mind focused on the things I don’t want to focus on. It’s always easier to focus on external things than the internal hurting angry bitter sad things. I know it in my head and I know it in my heart but on a certain level I don’t want to acknowledge it; I will be divorced. Just the thought of the word makes my chest sink. 

At this point, you’re probably thinking that I’m depressed. Actually that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, I’m actually, in general happy about the state of things. I just feel desensitized. A venti suck latte with a crap biscotti and flavour shot of mildly angry about the situation.

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Little Mitch is doing okay. His grandpa is looking after him for the summer when I am at work. He is happy but there are signs now that the life changes are affecting him too. He’s hitting a lot. Not hard, but hitting nonetheless, I think he’s mad about the life changes too, I don’t blame him, somedays I want to hit things too.

He’s back in my bed indefinitely. The five year old kid who doesn’t really like to cuddle in bed needs to fall asleep on my chest. He’s very concerned about when I am going to bed, he doesn’t want to be in bed alone, he asks me every night to go to bed with him. I wake up some mornings to go to work and he cries he wants me to stay in bed, and then I have to hand him off to his grandpa. Every day hes asks me if I’m going to work tomorrow, I say yes, and he asks me to take the day off. 

Tonight, as we lay in bed, after his bedtime stories, Little Mitch asked me again to tell him a story about when I was a kid. I told him the story of the first girl I ever asked out when I was in Grade 9. He listened intently as he often does to stories about my childhood. “Daddy, did you ask mommy out?” a few years later I did, I replied. “Daddy? Why don’t you ask her out again?” Sorry bud, that’s not going to happen, mommy and daddy were fighting too much. “Oh yeah daddy, we’re still a family though right?” That’s right I said we’re still a family. “Daddy? Are you going to ask any girls out soon?” I told him a version of the truth he could understand, “Not right now bud, maybe someday who knows? But right now, no.” 

The sad reality of my days is that the most authentic adult conversations I have are with my five year old son at bedtime. I think I need to start letting other people in. 

 

 

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I Have My Days (Originally Published July 10, 2011)

DISCLAIMER: I’ve been debating for a few weeks now if I was going to repost these “Mitch Classic” blogisodes from when my marriage ended. I went back and forth between “I don’t want to repost them and relive that experience” to “I should post them to show how far I’ve come since then.” I concluded that Mitch Being Honest is about being honest, and being true to myself and to not post them would be contradictory to my blog premise.

To say it’s been a hectic few weeks in Mitch’s life is an understatement of monumental proportions. Last weekend we moved Mrs. Mitch out and into her own place. Strange, what do I call her now on the blog? She’s keeping my last name for now, so technically she’s still Mrs. Mitch, but calling her that doesn’t feel right. Here’s a few possible blog pseudonyms for Mrs. Mitch:

-The Spouse Formerly Known as Mrs. Mitch, TSFKAMM? No, too long and doesn’t have good word Feng Shui.

-Little Mitch’s Mom. Not bad, not great, but doesn’t convey that we had a 16 year relationship.

-My Ex-Wife. Yuck. I really do not like this term at all. It has such a bad connotation, and really we’re still friends. I don’t want to be one of those divorced people who 8 years after the divorce are still bitterly angry and start every sentence with “Oh yeah, when I was with my Ex she…..” 

-Little Mitch’s Co-Parent. Technically, this is the most accurate term for her now. We will be sharing co-parenting of Little Mitch. However, this term feels rather clinical, lacks warmth, and is so politically correct it makes me want to vomit in my soy non dairy organic free trade chai latte. Okay, I admit I’ve never actually had a coffee like that, it was the most politically correct coffee I could think of. 

I got it. Take out the “Mrs.” and use “Ms.” That works. “Ms. Mitch.” I like it, simple, clean, no negative connotations, and not overly politically correct. Done. Next order of business.

The question I field most often from people about my upcoming divorce is “how are you doing?” complete with the empathetic 45 degree sideways head tilt. Admit it. Right now you’re thinking, “son of a bitch, he’s right. I totally do that when I’m asking a concerned question.” 

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How I answer depends on my day. I have my good days, bad days, emotionally tired days, numb days, angry days, sad days, not feeling anything days, want to stress eat everything in the house days, enjoying my new found freedom days, keeping busy with little projects around the house days, stress smoking too much again days, missing physical intimacy days, wasting too much time on the internet because I just don’t have it in me to grieve days, avoiding thinking of the hurt by redecorating our old place to make it my place days, keeping busy hanging out with friends days, keeping my mind occupied watching movies I been meaning to watch for a while days, wanting to cry but I can’t days, not wanting to cry days but I can’t, should probably stop having so many Jim Beam nightcaps before bed days. 

Usually though, I just answer that “I’m surviving, I’m doing okay.” with a weak smirk. 

A year or so ago we got Little Mitch tested by a couple of child psychologists, turns out my kid who bends over naked, spreads his cheeks and makes his tan brown ass laugh heartily is “gifted.” Now, I know you’re thinking this means some sort of prodigy or wunderkind product of my loins. Not really, the soft sell is some kids ask five questions about dogs smelling other dogs butts, Little Mitch asks twenty five. Sometimes this rampant curiosity is a lot of fun, like when we’re at the children’s library, museum, or science centre. 

Superman_on_toilet_by_DiorgoOther times this unbridled curiosity can be a bit much if unchecked. “Dude, look I’m pretty sure The Incredible Hulk’s penis and testicles are green along with the rest of his body, now please stop asking me questions about superheroes genitals. What? Huh? I don’t know if Superman’s poop is bullet-proof like the rest of him that question is kind of… now that you mention it, that is a darn good question. Let Daddy look that one up on the internet.”

The days I struggle with the most are the “tough questions days.” The other caveat of having a gifted inquisitive child is that they ask questions that cut right to heart of the matter. The thing is, Little Mitch inherited his daddy’s tenacity and you have to answer or he won’t drop it, you can’t distract him, evade the question, or shift his focus, it doesn’t work. He’s like a four and a half year old question Terminator. You just have to answer and be honest with him.

Little Mitch: “Daddy? When are you Mommy going to get married again?”

Mitch: (taking a deep breath, holding back tears) “Well buddy, Mommy and Daddy are not going to be married anymore. We’re not going to get married again either. We’re still a family, we love you, but it was just Mommy and Daddy were fighting a lot and we decided to not be married anymore.”

Little Mitch: “Oh yeah! I get two homes now! I forgot! (thinking for a few seconds) “Daddy, are you ever going to get married again?”

Mitch: (stunned for a few seconds) “Oh wow, buddy. I wasn’t expecting that question. I don’t know buddy. Maybe. Who knows. I might meet someone someday. But right now, probably not for a very long time.” 

Little Mitch: “Daddy? How come you don’t cry?”

I was taken aback. I had no answer. I wished he was older and could understand that Daddy is too pissed off right now to cry, but I didn’t want him thinking that I was mad at him in anyway about the divorce. 

I have my days. 

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Life Lessons With Mitch Lesson 232

Little Mitch (Age 6): “Dad? Will you teach me how to be sucessful with women?”

Mitch: “What??? Where did you learn that?” (chuckling).

Litte Mitch: “At mom’s house on TV. She’s got that thing where you get all the channels, not like our house all we got is Netflix”

Mitch: “Cable. Mom’s got cable TV. Ahh, so you learned that from TV.”

Little Mitch: “Yeah! Cable! So… will you teach me to be successful with women Dad?”

Mitch: “Here’s all you need to know bud. Just be yourself and you’ll be fine.”

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Life Lessons With Mitch Lesson 231

“Mitch’s Mom Acceptable Behaviour Dating Principle”

A self created principle of dating  to keep myself on the morally honest path where if I find myself in a dating situation where I am about to do something ethically questionable or insensitive that affects my latest dating prospect, I stop before I act, think and ask myself, “If Mom was single would I want someone treating her this way?”

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